Bradley Hills Presbyterian Church, June 21, 2009: Father’s Day
Sincerely, thank you for allowing our family to become permanent parts of this community. Thank you for the invitation to preach today. Probably not smart, but today I don’t have a sermon! If ever again you invite me to preach here, I promise I will have a sermon!
Before today, only one other time in over fifty years of preaching have I ever let the greeting card companies set the lectionary! But I do today. I repeat what I did before, on father’s day. I do it because of an e-mail I received about the time David asked me to preach today, said it was Father’s Day---“do what you want!”
The e-mail was from a man named Bruce Bore. I quote: “Dr. Jones, Hopefully this e-mail will find its way to your desk. My sister…just returned from a trip to North Carolina where she spent a week…building homes for Habitat for Humanity and forwarded a copy of an interview you did with Georgetown University Berkley Center…. Reading the interview has prompted me to contact you….I thought I would speak openly and fondly of your dad.” He went on to relate such things as naming his first son after my dad; being in Dad’s scout troop, learning Dad’s values about social justice; recounting my dad’s influence on Bruce’s dad and his granddad. (Subsequent contacts with Bruce’s dad resulted in more statements from Bruce’s dad about the difference my dad had made.)
Anyway, all of this sent me back to the statement I read from the pulpit 27 years ago, on the first Father’s Day after the death of my dad. Thank you for the personal privilege of sharing it now.
Let’s pray:
Come, Holy Spirit, Come: Even when there is not a sermon…
--convict,
--convert,
--consecrate
Until we are fully and completely Yours.
"HOW I MISS AND APPRECIATE THAT GUY"
Scripture: Proverbs 4:1-5:1
This is an unique, brand new experience for me. For the first time in my 51 years of life, I do not have a father, a dad to whom to express Father's Day greetings. And I am not used to it. I keep catching myself thinking "I've got to start early to get through the busy phone circuits to say, "Happy Father's Day."
In my ministry usually I have refused to allow commercial lobbies - in this case, greeting card companies, to set the liturgical calendar for the church. But today, unashamedly, I wish to make this "Father's Day”---and from a personal standpoint.
I guess I need to apologize because I really do not have a sermon today. Secretly I guess I hope my preacher peers around the country will not hear what I am doing today. And if any of you think it is too inappropriate and wish to throw a coughing spell and leave, I will understand!
When I taught homiletics at the seminary, I taught that every sermon ought to interweave the Biblical story, the congregation's story, the society's story and the preacher's story. Today, it is too much preacher's story, but I do hope it is also some of your story, and that coming through will be some important biblical story, if not in proof texts, then embodied in the life and influence of a man I called "Dad."
I. Leanings
Dad died three months ago, much more suddenly than we expected and certainly before we were ready. In the days since then, I have hurt more than I have let on, because I really miss that guy! And I guess one thing I wish to model today is that when we have such feelings we ought to be able to share them with each other in this family we call a congregation. I am grateful for the kind of caring for each other I find here. You have made me feel it is O.K. to lean on you. Often the best caring takes place when we listen as others articulate some inner feelings which need to get out. However, today this is not motivated solely by my needs. I believe some of what I am learning in my pilgrimage is applicable for every single one of us here.
First, I realize how important and influential dads are. Even now, with my children mostly grown, Dad's death has caused me to struggle in terms of my continuing role as a father. I am convinced as long as I live and they live I influence my children. I now realize that some of my best learning from my Dad has been in our later adult years. Those of us who have children at whatever ages need to continue that struggle. I am glad for a day to prick our consciences as parents that as long as we and our children live, we have responsibilities.
Moreover, I am convinced now that some of the best influence of fathers is felt after the father has gone. I have grown a great deal since Dad's death as I have sorted through some things which count and some which do not count, and I am a better person for it. I'll say more of that shortly. I am glad for a day to dive a little deeper into memories for gleanings to help life now.
At the same time there are some here who have not had the privilege of good life with a father, a dad. But throughout life such of us still need that influence. And that is where an important role of the wider family called church comes in. Even with my strongly-felt ties with my biological father, I am realizing the role of others in the church who played that part: Buck Patterson, Floyd Eaddy, George Buttrick, Ellis Nelson, John Anderson, and the like. At the time of Dad's death, I was impressed with the number of persons who said, "I never had a dad. But I always thought of your dad as my own father." I am grateful for a day set apart to look around us in this church family to determine in specific ways how better to play that role for each other around here. Even though I cannot call my dad today, there are persons in this church I can call on for fatherly support and help. And we need to make certain it is that way for each other all through this church family!
II. Learnings
I am learning in these days.
*
A. I am learning that a dad's presence and influence do not stop. A month ago at the conclusion of a niece's wedding to which Dad had looked forward to attending, with almost one voice, cracking with emotion and watered with tears, our family all said, "We felt his presence."
And in many ways I have realized I am still learning from Dad. Retelling the stories of his life has helped me articulate some values, Biblical values, I am convinced, by which he lived and with which I am still struggling, even in my advanced years, to learn:
1. Reliving those times as a boy when Dad literally stopped working in the middle of the day he was a professional woodcarver—to play catch with me (even though he had to work late night hours after I was asleep to catch up) have helped me focus his person-centeredness. To Dad, persons always seemed more important than tasks. The Gospel truth is that people are always more important than tasks. I have got so much still to learn about that!
2. Remembering his service through the church: his wood carvings in sanctuaries literally around the world; his taking all his vacation time for years to be a leader in youth camps and conferences, to teach at Presbyterian School for Christian Education and General Assembly workshops, and the like; his giving every Sunday night and every Wednesday night for years to be an adult advisor to his local church's youth groups; and now to receive testimony from those youth, now adults, all over the country, about the meaning in their lives of his being an influential surrogate parent have made me more determined to give more time---and to lay a heavy hand on some of you--- to be willing to sacrifice your Sunday evenings and other times to work with the youth of this congregation.
3. Realizing Dad's impact on St. Petersburg for what is right and just, especially in race relations, models for me anew the importance of standing up to be counted for right on whatever pieces of turf are entrusted to each of us: the black woman who stood up to share at Dad's memorial service told his willingness to hire her in his shop before anyone else in town would; a restaurant owner friend told Dad's pressuring him to be the first to hire blacks for all the jobs in the restaurant, not just the kitchen; a leading physician told how Dad influenced him to run for city council, then mayor, and to ultimately turn things around in some racial matters in St. Petersburg. The Gospel is a Gospel of risk for right. Through memories, I am still influenced and learning how much more of that I need to do.
4. Reading letters which have come in large numbers and talking to many persons at the General Assembly this week makes me realize how much Dad gave away. I've decided that Dad gave more of his carvings away than he sold! He enjoyed nothing more than giving things away. He really was never a slave to money. He could have been a wealthy man; instead, he died a rich man. The Gospel tries to teach that abundant life comes in self-giving, not self-getting. Since his death I feel better directed toward that.
5. Reminiscing some of my experiences with Dad have helped me learn
that life is meant to be lived creatively. Dad was never bound by tradition. I recall a trip to Florida when I served as a staff person of the denomination. As I tried to do whenever possible, I dropped by home to spend the night. Dad got home about 10:00, very tired. I said, "Where have you been?" He had been to his weekly Boy Scout meeting. "Had 52 boys present," he said. "50 blacks, 2 whites—1 second class scout, 51 tenderfeet!" I said, "Dad, you've never been a scout. What do you do, just follow the manual?" "Never seen a manual," he said. "I just do what seems good for the boys." I discovered he had pressured his peers--doctors, lawyers, teachers, artists, business people to work with him, go camping once a month, buy equipment, motivate the boys toward faithful school work, and the like. One of those boys, now a young man, shared stories at Dad's memorial service. The Gospel calls us away from slavery to traditions and mere customs which do not make sense. In recent weeks I have felt some freedom about that as I continue to learn through good memories.
6. Reviewing our family life in recent days since Dad's death, for the first time ever I am conscious that during my growing-up years from the time I was born until graduating from high school, the five of us in the family never had a house that had more than 2 bedrooms and 1 bath; we never owned a car which was less than 8 years old; I do not remember eating a single meal in a restaurant; I never wore a new suit; I never entered the door of a private club, even as a guest - yet I would not trade my family time growing up with anyone. The Gospel truth is that family relationships are determined by love and respect and caring, not by things. In remembering, I am learning anew how easy is the trap.
7. Remembering stories makes so many other Gospel truths apparent to me: the importance of a sense of humor which never allows one to take self too seriously; the value of diversity (although his natural reflexes would peg him a liberal Democrat, early in adult life in the South he joined the Republican Party because he believed in the two-party system); the need to be righteous, but not self-righteous (when he was in the Marines, Dad, a teetotaler, would go to the slopshoot with other Marines. I was impressed when I, bedridden with rheumatic fever, had Dad's fellow Marines come play pinochle almost every night, and realized their admiration of Dad's convictions, yet his acceptance of others as persons, regardless of life-style); his belief that age is a matter of mind and not years (during his visit here last Christmas, even though he was growing weaker from the cancer, he determined to go back to work in the community youth club sponsored by his congregation); the importance of recognizing the call of God (in the racial crisis of the '60's, Dad and mother left the large 2600 member church where Dad had grown up, married, where all of us had been baptized and confirmed, was an elder, and the like, to go with mother to join a congregation struggling for biracial witness in a racially changing area, because he felt it was God's call to do that); on and on I could ramble.
I realize today that maybe I have learned more Bible through the influence of a life, than through words I have studied in scripture. There really is something to "we are each other's Bible."
B. And I have learned something else I need to share. Even though I have been with hundreds of families in death and funerals and memorials, in Dad's death I experienced a lot about that subject. The death of a loved one is a time to cry, but also a time to laugh and celebrate and give thanks and be honest and experience joy of life in God's truth of resurrection. A Saturday afternoon service allowed many friends to gather together in that unique church building. (In the service one person said to the pastor, "Jonathan's sitting in the corner just laughing, Beeson, saying he outdrew the congregation you'll get tomorrow morning 4 to 1!") An informal service had time for sharing—serious stories, and humorous ones. Rich and poor, young and old, Ph. D.'s and uneducated, black and white, men and women shared. A young boy recited a funny poem learned from Dad. A laborer shared a previously unknown way Dad had saved him; the top executive of the multi-million dollar Busch Gardens operation witnessed, "He was my best friend"; a business customer of Dad's told of honest dealings.
Then the prayer time. And many persons present offered spontaneous prayers. And we sang a triumphant hymn. And adjourned for a fellowship period of continuing reminiscing and gratitude of family and friends. One of my children summed up much for me. Driving home that evening, he said, "You know, I would be so glad to come to the end of my life and have those feelings expressed about me."
Oh, I know better than anyone the weaknesses of my father. But know what? Dad understood, believed, regularly experienced the forgiveness of his, and our, loving God. He lived and died a free person. And so can you and so can I. It is never too late.
You know something else? Because of the victory in Christ, I can say "Happy Father's Day" today. And I do not need a telephone to do it!
There is learning through memories. There is learning from present relationships, parents and children, at whatever age. There are commitments to be made to be influential parents to each other in this family called church. And I am glad for a day set apart to struggle about some of that.
Thank you for your graciousness to do personal ministry to me by allowing me to re-read and re-live a 27 year old statement.
A couple of weeks ago, Caroline and I went to our “annual movie”: A beautiful movie titled “Earth.” At the end, a brave father polar bear dies, the result of seeking to find food for his two cubs. Comes the voice-over of the narrator:
“A father’s brave spirit lives on in their hearts.”
….YES!
Charge and Benediction:
Fifty-four years ago last month, Louisville Presbytery ordained me to the Gospel ministry. Louisville Presbytery invited my dad, a ruling elder in St. Petersburg, FL, to be a part of the ordination commission. Dad was assigned to give the charge to the newly ordained pastor. Dad looked me straight in the eye, and with tears in his eyes and crack in his voice, said one sentence:
“Son, walk the road humbly with God.” And sat down.
Let that be the charge as we go forth to live the gift of a new week!
And as you go, remember:
By the goodness of God you were born;
By the providence of God you are kept all the day long;
And by the love of God, fully revealed in Christ Jesus, you are redeemed.
Tom Jones
